u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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