Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
