I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
