I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
