Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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