dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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