what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
