i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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