Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
