I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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