He had one of those small greek statue penises
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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