it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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