worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
