I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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