You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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