I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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