if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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