Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
