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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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