I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
