anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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