You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
