WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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