i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
