It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
