I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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