i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
