You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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