i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
