Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
