I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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