Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
