Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
