I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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