my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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