This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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