My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
