You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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