Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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