and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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