He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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