the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
