i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
