Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
