his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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