thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize