i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You ruined the universe
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
