his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize