im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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