when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
