I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
