his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
