Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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