the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
