some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
