I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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