you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
