You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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