can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
