Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
