I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
