Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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